So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?