Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
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Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!