I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
