He managed to light the Jello on fire...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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