I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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