I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
And then he peed in my hair
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