Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
