I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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