Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
