I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Even my vagina gasped.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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