so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
