Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record