please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
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So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?