Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.