You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I said "one day" and that day is not today