My room smells like vodka and shame
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work