Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.