I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast