she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
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Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised