Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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