Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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