why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
