Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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