hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I need to stop coming to work sober
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
