saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
