i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
