she takes plan B like it's going out of style
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
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