i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
