new low.... made out with someone while peeing
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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