i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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