Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she smelled like a LAN party
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
