If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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