there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
one might say we're banned from that church
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
