I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think I sprained my soul last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
