I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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