do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
