Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
