Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
