Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
