had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
