Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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