Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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