A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
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Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
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I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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