when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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