I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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