There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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