I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
