I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
