the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today