My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
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He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids