Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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