He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
