it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
