hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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