at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
