Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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