Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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