I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
