She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
