Your face is a jimmy john
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
