On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I love how my cats smell like pot.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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