I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
