if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
