This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
