I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
