I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
