once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
