Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
