I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
