Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Drake has all the answers
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
