so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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