Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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